Saturday was fun. I went to a party and got attacked by a Chihuahua. But let me start at the beginning.
It all began on Tuesday afternoon when I started putting together my outfit for Saturday so I … Just kidding, I’ll skip the what-to-wear-drama intro. It all began with a hello. I saw a guy I barely know, an acquaintance, who was also one of the performers that night – let’s call him John Doe. We bumped into each other at the entrance, exchanged one of those polite chitchats, in which both parties are only half engaged – “Hi, how you’ve been, good, great, have a good night!” – and went our separate ways.
After an hour or so, a girl walked up to me and grabbed me by the forearms: “Hi, my name is Jane Doe, I’m John Doe’s girlfriend and I’ve come to tell you that I’m not jealous, this isn’t a jealousy thing, it’s you who is just so annoying. I saw how you’ve been looking for my boyfriend the entire night and …”
I had to intervene so I said calmly with a smile: “Look, honey, I just …”
“DON’T CALL ME HONEY!” the screeching started. And the hysterical rambling.
“Ok, I’m just trying to …”
“I’M TALKING NOW!!” her eyes popped out like she was crossbred with a pug or something.
Seriously? Ok, I thought to myself, I’m going to let this loony talk and when she’s finished, I’ll just say ok, Jane, have a good one, and walk away. But … There had to be a but, didn’t it? But then the rambling just wouldn’t stop as she started to squeeze my forearms more and more therefore a word loony just wasn’t doing her justice anymore, nor did the phrase crazy chick. She became a straight up certified psycho bitch. Ok, maybe not really a certified one, but she should be – one’s inappropriate social behaviour and inability to control oneself to that extent definitely is a good enough reason for a psychiatric evaluation and such disorders should be treated. With medications. Or electroshocks. What do people so ignorantly do with a dog, who wouldn’t stop barking and attacking people? You neuter them or put them to sleep. But I think that we’ve got it all wrong – canine bitches aren’t getting a fair treatment, it’s the human ones I have a problem with. You can always put a muzzle on a dog, but a homo bitchiens can take hers off. Not a satisfactory solution.
After she started grabbing me more aggressively, I couldn’t play it cool anymore so I slowly grabbed her forearms too: “You say you’re not jealous but that’s exactly how I see it, I see no other explanation for you to take the time out of your evening just to come and talk to me.”
“I’m not jealous!! Look at me!! Do you thing I have a reason to be jealous at you?!?!”
“I think you look great, but apparently you’re the one who doesn’t think so.” and I started squeezing her arms just a bit more forcefully as she did mine.
“What are you doing?!?! DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?!? I can go to the bouncers and have you thrown out!!”
I had to laugh: “You didn’t just say that.” Crazy and delusional – what a lovely combination.
She then let go of my arms, I let go of hers and said: “Have a great night. Honey.”
The fact is that I’ve known her boyfriend longer than she’s know him so of course I’m going to say hi. On top of that, I’ve been with my boyfriend longer than she or I have known hers and I certainly have no intention of chasing anybody. So I went back to my BF and said: “Wait till you hear this, you’ll laugh your ass off.” Which he did, he found it extremely amusing. But then he got all serious: “If you were like that, I’d leave you in a second.” Leave me?? Hope not just leave me, but institutionalize me as well.
I’ve always thought situations like this don’t happen in real life. Real people in real life don’t do such things. Even Jerry Springer’s talk show was scripted, for Peet’s sake! I guess movies really are a reflection of life. Except, this wasn’t as much of a film as it was more of a looney tune.
P.S.: If you’re interested, you can also check this.
Pants: H&M//Coat: Zara//Sweater: H&M//Heels: Pittarello//Necklace: DIY//Shirt: can’t remember, it’s too old//Sunglasses: C&A
Pics were again taken by Hana – thank you!!